Friday, May 27, 2005

Forgot to take my pill with me to the movie last night. In retrospect, that would have been one of the best things I could have done. Instead, defenses down and trying to wrangle my emotions back down into their comfortable seats where they belong, an offhand remark went tumbling through the mind's mirrorred hallways, echoing over and over and not stopping until I finally turned the light back on and read for a while. All is well, and no one is mad at anyone anymore, so nobody worry. I just need to learn to handle being yelled at better. It terrifies me all out of proportion to what it actually is, just a simple raising of the voice, an expression of (oftentimes) justified frustration. My parents have said I was like that as a child, too, and I believe it. I remember lots of experiences repeating over and over in my head, long after any significance they should have had was over, making me cringe years later at the unbidden memory rising to fill my mind's eye. I take pills for that, and this one went away after a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee. I wish I could change out the old tapes as easily. I'm haunted by a memory from when I was two, for god's sake. Now that's just not fair. Nothing you did then should embarrass you when you're twenty seven years old. Anyway, off to Dallas tonight, and it looks like I might be the best man. If it becomes necessary, I have a few short words prepared.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm sorry for being mad.

you should tell me what was tumbly.

hup!W (read it upside down)

6/03/2005 11:39 PM  

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