What is the purpose of something like this, anyway? Why post all these links and thoughts here? It's sort of like an exhibitionist impulse, I suppose, although that is definitely a part of my character I have not really been big on exploring. Not that, I suppose, there is much of a reason. I can be a very private person, but when exposed to the public eye I rarely care all that much. For example the times when I have been caught coitus interruptus. I suppose it's just because I'm aware of the dangers of the spotlight. It's grand if you can avoid self-consciousness, until you slip. Then everyone sees you slip, and there goes your self-illusion of perfection. Actually more like a self-illusion of the illusion of perfection. No one believes they're perfect, they just believe that people can't see through them as obviously as they can see through others. This self-delusion is what keeps most of us sane. So why, when I intimately acquainted with the dangers of attracting attention to oneself, would I make a web page like this? Particularly such a personal type of webpage? It can't be a bandwagon impulse, at least not entirely. I suppose a part of it is that I have always read these weblogs that people write and felt connected to them. Such a powerful feeling, to be connected to someone you've never even met, you know? It brings back a lot of strange, old feelings from back when I was a lot younger, the alchemy of youth's emotion. I guess I figure only a certain type of person is going to read this page at all, let alone continue reading it after they see what type of page it is, so I feel a bit safer that I'm appealing to a certain mindset. Or maybe only a certain few types, anyway. It's sort of a message in a bottle mentality behind making this web page, I guess. Hoping to see if once I learn how to pour myself on the page a little better, rather than hiding behind a bunch of links that are significant but not personal in obvious ways, if it affects someone, even a little bit, in the small ways that some people have affected me. Plus it doesn't hurt to have an outlet for my writing, which I need if I'm ever going to start writing.