Monday, August 11, 2008

I can't even begin to list all the things that have happened. I missed my mom this weekend a lot. This morning, too. I know she loved me and was proud of me, but the last few years of communication were strained. I don't entirely know why, although I know it doesn't invalidate the earlier statements. Life doesn't slow down, though, nor would it be right for it to do so. Started crying at work, not a whole lot, just teared up. Thank god for thirsty contacts - nothing escaped the actual eye. I am having a hard time living up to the responsibilities of my life, and the pressures aren't burdens I can get others to shoulder. I shirk so much of my life onto those I rely on during day-to-day interaction that there isn't really anything left for people to shoulder. All that remains are the most basic responsibilities of my life, which I simply am the only person that can possibly accomplish. Like the boy that cried wolf, sort of, but not exactly. "I'm gonna kill every damn stinking Dalek in the galaxy!" -Absalom Daak, Dalek Killer.

All that notwithstanding, and even given the recent circumstances, I cannot believe that I lead a life that is difficult enough for me to be incapable of upholding my own most basic social principles, and yet I find that I am having difficulty fulfilling my own role in my life and the lives of those around me. It's a sort of a mental cul-de-sac of thought, the sort that used to drive me mad, in a very literal sense. Drastic actions have been brought up and ruled out across the spectrum over the years...I have no response. People amaze me. I see people eat this sort of thing for breakfast, every day, and then wrestle sea monsters until lunch. All I can think to do is return to the giving tree again...I hated that kid when I was a child. Anhedonia. No matter. Keep walking, Garraty.

All that, of course, is further self-indulgence. Tomorrow will come, and the next day, and I will be fine. Today is just a day, and it will end like the rest of them, take no more time than any other. If anything, this is a thing to be learned from.


Blogger Sonya said...

Hi Isaac,
I enjoyed reading your journal. :) Could you please email me yours and Tom's mailing address? I have a letter I want to send to you.
Love you!

10/22/2008 6:59 PM  

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