Thursday, December 28, 2006

It's late, I'm tired. I wish my other song was finished. Maybe I should work on doing something with it myself. Maybe I should practice guitar more, so I can actually do something with the song. Maybe I should find some sort of focus in my life, I'm sure my ex girlfriend would agree with this one. Hell, I can think of at least two of them that would agree, four if you count the two who would smile and nod knowingly but in a friendly way.

I've been reading up on the forums about bipolar people over at, it's pretty interesting stuff. If you think you might be bipolar, it doesn't hurt to go find out.

I'm tired of being angry, sad, worried about who is in the right, irritated, disappointed, scared (especially scared), and misunderstood. Actually, scratch that last one. For most people to truly understand me I think would require a terrifying level of transparency in my life. But I would prefer if some of the recent archetypes in my life would stop behaving so....archetypically. Well, that's sort of a stupid statement, now isn't it? I'm being needlessly cryptic for the sake of not having to have a conversation with someone that won't understand why a lot of things. And I don't feel the need to explain why a lot of things, because I'm not a dance instructor, let alone one of those sheets with the footprints that my grandmother used to teach me the foxtrot and the Charleston. (Yes, ladies, I used to know how to do the Charleston...calm down, there's plenty of me to go around...) Ugh, I'm tired of flirting. It's stupid.

I realized recently that I could very easily have taken a different path in life that involved very little social interaction that wasn't mediated by an expensive electron-shuffling box. As for what led me down the primrose path of trying to have a social life, I don't really want to say, but you can guess that a prurient interest in girls had some motivating influence. It wasn't my main motivation, but it all comes back to girls eventually, I think. Kinda funny how that all turns out. Anyway, I'm wondering about paths not taken, people not been. I probably wouldn't have been happier, in fact I'm almost certain I wouldn't have been, but I wonder what I would have accomplished, and who I would have known that I don't now know. Hmmm...I still miss Sarah Kessler sometimes, you know? I think I would have made an interesting reclusive nerd. Hey, it's not too late, I could start today.


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