Monday, October 18, 2004

This comic is pretty descriptive of my life of late. I was doing some self-examining the other night, and have come to some interesting conclusions. I've hesitated posting about it for a couple of reasons. One, I have been sick and have been feeling very depressed the entire time I was sick. Whether or not there is a connection between these two occurences is left as an exercise to the reader. I have drawn my own conclusions. However, I have no desire to write anything when I'm too terribly depressed. There are people in my life who read this thing, people with questions, concerns, and comments, and I don't like to start conversations about things in my weblog because I feel like it's a wee bit private. Not "no-one-should-be-reading-this-which-is-why-I-gave-everyone-this-website-address" private, more like "this-is-what's-going-on-but-I'll-have-a-conversation-about-if-I-decide-to-bring-it-up-and-no-sooner" kind of private.
I think that most people feel this way about their weblogs. Unless the post is addressed to a specific person, they usually feel...semi-private?
Anyway, I realized that I had some very odd holdover issues about dating people, which may have seriously contributed to some of the antisocial tendencies that I have exhibited in the last few years. Some sense of having screwed up ex-girlfriends' lives a little bit, I guess. Apparently on some deep level, some part of my subconscious has been thinking for about, oh, four or five years now, "you know, I hate being single, but maybe it's for the best that I'm single right now". Other things, of course, but that was the really surprising one. I had no idea that I had this in me. It was very deeply buried. Anyway, having realized that it existed, I'm taking steps to shine a little bit of reason on it, but it was really a revelation.


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