Friday, May 17, 2002

Well, there. I did my good deed for the day. I sent a (relatively) complete stranger a gift 'cause they were feeling down. Which may be interpreted as a creepy, stalker-like move I suppose, but I don't think so. I'm not one for stalking anyway, especially people 1800 miles away. (The one advantage of working for a transportation company is that you know exactly how far away from you a city is...the only advantage, mind you.)
It's a bit out of character, I suppose, at least it feels that way to me. I suppose it really isn't - looking at my track record I guess I do things like this occasionally, but I guess I don't believe in any truly compassionate or altruistic streak in myself. I'm always surprised when I do anything that isn't self-serving. I couldn't help it, though. I've been reading this girl's weblog for months now, and despite its one-way nature, I know the guy meant a lot to her. I can't think of the number of times she's said something along the lines of "this and this and this have all gone wrong today, everyone is driving me crazy, if it wasn't for [guy's name] I think I'd lose it". I never knew them as a couple, and one of them not at all, not even as little as I know the other, but it was just so sad. Maybe it's just too easy to identify with loneliness in my current situation, being at least a hundred miles from anyone I know, really, and about two hundred miles from anyone that doesn't still every once in a while remind me just how alone I am and who is responsible for it (that would be me). Not that she does any of this on purpose, god love her. And not that it happens that often, either - the only thing she consistently does is make me laugh. Anyway, I guess it was just too easy to empathize in this case. I just couldn't not do something...I can't abide the suffering of others, damnit. Maybe my own on occasion, if it serves a useful purpose, but not that of others. (Hmmmm....martyr complex, Isaac? Rather narcissistic, doncha think? Who died and made you Sin-Eater for the world, hmm? Shut up, inner voice.)


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